When we allow ourselves to grieve fully, we are more accepting of the reality and we can even come to a stage where we can talk about the loss without breaking down. The loss becomes an integral part of our journey of life, at the same time we are able to hold it in us as an event that happened.
When someone passes away at the age of 80 or 90 years, we mourn, fully, and we also talk about the person in a very present way, about their habits, their peculiarities, etc. so there is a sense of acceptance. But when the same loss is of a younger person, it becomes very hard to accept it because of the sense of overwhelm, the feelings of pain, anger, injustice, and maybe even guilt is so strong. We do not allow ourselves to feel it fully.
As friends, relatives, and supporters say words of courage and strength, we choose the path of inner resilience and focus on what needs to be done next.
The suppressed grief prevents us from acknowledging the full extent of the loss and its full effect on our life. Our sense of purpose keeps us falsely buoyant, and we put a brave front to the world and to ourselves.
Actually, in this way we exclude the person from our memories. When we do not complete the grieving, we can’t talk about the good things, the good memories, as the pain remains just below the surface.
Just like expressing our love to the people in our life is important, it strengthens our relationships, so also expressing our pain is important, as it strengthens us to accept the loss and still give a place in our heart to what was once an important part of our life.
Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. – J K Rowling